Sheading dead weight

As I lose pounds and inches everyday I see other things I have to shed in order to make this a true lifestyle change. I see it is not only about losing weight but about losing the unwanted behaviour that got me in this situation.

I had to learn how NOT to jump at all food. I used to run every time a craving or mood hit me. I used to think abotu Krispy Kreams and go running……..I have had to learn not to do this. I have had to aquire things that will allow me to not do the same things I used to do. I cannot change one thing and think that is enough to last a life time. I have to make a complete change.

I have learned that food is not my friend, he is not my loved, he is not my protector, he is not my savior; but I treated him like he was. I used to LOVE food. I mean the smells of some foood would send me in a high. I would get happy. The though tof going to my favorite chineese place gave me joy……Golden coral made me think of all the wonderful things I would haev to choose from. When I think of it now I am amased at how I allowed this to happen in the first place. WHO LOVES FOOD THAT MUCH??? well many people do.

Many people have formed unhealthy relationships with food. Many peopel use food to numb their lives. when My husband died I think I cooked more than I have in my life. That year I know I constantly cooked good fatening foods. I baked cakes and pies, I cooked mac and chees and sweet potatoes, I make home made cornbread, I made all  my favorite foods. Not just once in a while but on a weekly basis. Food became my lover when my real one left me.

How do youreplace a husband that dies. When a person gets a divorce you can plan and you know it is comming. When my husband died it was sudden it was in an instant. He was there and then he was gone. I didnt know how to cope so I turned to the only thing that had never failed me……food. I knew he would alsways be around.

Now as I try to divorce myself from my old habbits nd fromthe foods that are not good for me. I am having a hard time breaking the cycly. I know MF works. I have no doubt in that. I know if you stay on plan you will lose weight and you will stay full. I know this BUT that still does ot keep me from wanting to buy krispy creams. I have to not give in. Before I had no self control. NOw I know it is only a craving and it will pass. I know one Krispy Kream will throw everythign I am working for out the window. I know that sugar rush will be followed by a long hard fall.

I will feel guilty and fall into a cycle of anger, sadness and frustration. I for the first time in my life dont think it is worth it. I am worth more than sugar. My health is more important than fried bread dipped in sugar. I look at myself and see the thin me.

I WILL BE THIN!!!

Not onlybecuae I want it but because for the first tiem I feel I am worth it

staying On Plan

The other day I was about to eat a small bit of pasta. I was about to get a plate saying to myself its just a small bit. I also said I will do it 100% op tomorrow; and then it hit me. Why, why stop what I have started? Why is it so easy to say I will start over tomorrow? why is it so easy to feel like it is ok to cheat on Mf or any diet.
If I want this to work I have to do it. What is more important, losing weight, or 5 mins of happiness from pasta. What will make me happier 5 mins of pasta or a liftime of thin?

If I had cancer I would never say well I will take a little bit of meds today and get back on track tomorrow. I would never say its ok to start all over.
If I was sick with the flu I would do everything I could to feel better asap. Why would I not do the same for my weight. It is all about my health. I want to be healthy. I want to be thinner. So why is it ok to put that off until tomorrow? well, its not. I have to do this 100% of the time all time 100% OP. If not I am waisting my money and my time.

Why pay all this money for Mf food and not use it the way it issupposed to be used. If I ate the pasta I would have paid money to gain weight. No doubt I would have woke up the next morning at least 1-2 lbs heavier.
So I am here to say a lightbulb went off and I will no longer talk myself into any food that is off plan. I will not longer have any BLT’s. I will do this plan 100% of the tome 100% op.

I cant think of a reason not to; can YOU?

Thinking out loud

I am getting used to drinking the nonsoy Medifast. I dont miss the bars as much as I thought I would. I have 7 boxes of them. I am goign to use them but not often. While I am not allergic to soy I now know how it will affect my bodu in large amounts. So I have to stick to one soy product maybe 3x a week at the most. I really think that may be too much but I will see how it goes. I also have 7 boxes of soups I may use them a few times a week also. I really enjoyed them and the chicken and rice has very low soy. Maybe my body can handle that more often. I am not ready to try it our right now But maybe in a few months. The shakes and snacks I will give away to a lady on my job. She SAYS she wants to try the program so maybe if I start her off she will continue on her own.

I have noticed my stomach has really gotten smaller. I am so full so fast. I mean if I overeat I am sick. My stomach feels like it is up in my chest. I love that. I think this will keep me from overeating later when I do transition. I also think it will help me this summer when I go back to the states.

I have not been home in 4 yrs. I am going to go visit all my family all over, Houston, Philly, Atlanta and my kids want to see a play in New York, and I want to do some skinny clothes shopping. . So I will be traveling and I will be around all kinds of food. This will be my real challange for me. In Philly I will be tempted with Philly cheesesteaks, Italian Ice, Soft Pretzels, and more. In Atlants all the soul food in the world is there, Houston, my mom.NUFF SAID …whos mother will not over do the cooking for their only child?? Then New York all the food from all over. I have already told my kids we will eat small amounts of food several times a day. There will be nooooooooooooo large anything even for them. They need to learn how to eat and be satisfied with correct portions and learn treats are just that ……..a treat not part of a meal and you dont get them all the time. My kids are thin as nails but that does not mean they are healthy.my huband was proof of that died of a heart attach at 41 and was then and in shape. I am hoping I can feel then the way I do today.

I am happy with MF. I knew this would be it for me. I knew this would help me in ways I never dreamed of. I feel better. I feel healthier. I dont have swollen legs anymore. I see my blood pressur getting lower. One day I am hoping I iwll be off of it forever. I do not have the desires for the same foods I one did. Yes, I still crave sweets but not the amounts I used to. I do nto think I need a dozen dounuts anymore. I dont want any fast foods. I am happy with the different verieties of salads and my Love affair with fish and seafood is better than any love I had with a man……..LOL

I am off work for 31 days. This is a struggle for rme. I find it easy to stay on plan whenI am working. I dont even think of food but here at home OMG. My kids and their tempting foods. It is not that I want to go get a big plate of anything it is just those BLT. I just want a taste of everything. I am happy I am satisfied with BLT’s but right now I cant have them. It can mess me up and I do nto need that. I cannot afford to waste MF and that is what I do everytime I cheat. I wante it becuse I am not allowing it to work the way it is suppose to. I think Iwill be on MF until the summer. That is NOT a long time to go without things I desire. When I compare it to a lifetime of feeling good and looking wonderful. I think 6 months of no BLT’s is a small sacrifice.

Oh well I am off to clean my room. I SOOOOOOO miss my live in maid. I have gotten so spoiled living here. Live in help is cheap as water. I  had a maid for 3 yrs and I feel lost without one now. I never had one at home but I swear having one makes you really wonder how you ever manged without. The first time I had to clean my bathroom after my maid went home I was like…EWWWWWWWW I used to do this………HOW??LOL

TTFN

Nisaa

Grab your dreams and run with them. Dont allow your nightmares to take them away 🙂

Still on MF

I am sorry I have not posted lately. I have been busy. end of term madness and just being a single mom of 3 children……..Well I found out I cant use large amounts of soy.  Most MF products use soy for the protien. I was consuming 40 to 60 grams of soy per day. This is NOT good for me.

While many people can use the soy MF shakes, soups and bars and have no reaction at all. I am not that lucky. The soy wrecked my thyroid. It just about shut down. I was tired, I had no energy. I looked and felt sick. I thought it was because of the lower calories but nope. I had swollen leg. This was not from the soy but from the amount of salt in those products.  My weightloss stalled. My body was in pain. I was poppin motrin like it was candy. Then one day I woke up and my mouth felt like it was on fire. I knew it was MF becuase this was the only thing I was really eating different.

Once I stopped taking the Mf  my body went back to normal. So now I am on the nonsoy Mf only. I am happy to say everything is going well. I lost 7 lbs this week. 

I still love Mf even with this set back.  I am not happy I had to experience this but I am determined to make this program work for me.

This program keeps me full and my weight is dropping off like nothing else. I have a work out cd I am goign to start using. NOT really for weightloss but more for toning and to get my heart healthy.  There is nothing more scary for me than to lose all this weight and still feel ugly becuase of hanging skin or saggy breast. YUCK

SO I hope to avoid some of that by doing these tapes.

This will be a huge test for me this month. I am on my winter break from work. Usually it is very easy for me to do MF becuase I am not home. There is no food for me to snack on or nothing to tempt me until I get home at 3. NOW I am home all day with my kids eating EVERYTHING.

So far it has been ok. I have been off work since Thursday and I have not gone off plan. I go back Jan 4 so we will see how it goes.

I have fallen in love with HOT cocca MF. It is so good and becuase the taste is so strong I make it double the stated on the box. Now i have a huge mug of this hot sweet delicious drink in the morning to warm me up. YES it gets cold over here. I am freezing in the morning. I never thought I would be so cold int he middle of the freakin desert:)