As I lose pounds and inches everyday I see other things I have to shed in order to make this a true lifestyle change. I see it is not only about losing weight but about losing the unwanted behaviour that got me in this situation.
I had to learn how NOT to jump at all food. I used to run every time a craving or mood hit me. I used to think abotu Krispy Kreams and go running……..I have had to learn not to do this. I have had to aquire things that will allow me to not do the same things I used to do. I cannot change one thing and think that is enough to last a life time. I have to make a complete change.
I have learned that food is not my friend, he is not my loved, he is not my protector, he is not my savior; but I treated him like he was. I used to LOVE food. I mean the smells of some foood would send me in a high. I would get happy. The though tof going to my favorite chineese place gave me joy……Golden coral made me think of all the wonderful things I would haev to choose from. When I think of it now I am amased at how I allowed this to happen in the first place. WHO LOVES FOOD THAT MUCH??? well many people do.
Many people have formed unhealthy relationships with food. Many peopel use food to numb their lives. when My husband died I think I cooked more than I have in my life. That year I know I constantly cooked good fatening foods. I baked cakes and pies, I cooked mac and chees and sweet potatoes, I make home made cornbread, I made all my favorite foods. Not just once in a while but on a weekly basis. Food became my lover when my real one left me.
How do youreplace a husband that dies. When a person gets a divorce you can plan and you know it is comming. When my husband died it was sudden it was in an instant. He was there and then he was gone. I didnt know how to cope so I turned to the only thing that had never failed me……food. I knew he would alsways be around.
Now as I try to divorce myself from my old habbits nd fromthe foods that are not good for me. I am having a hard time breaking the cycly. I know MF works. I have no doubt in that. I know if you stay on plan you will lose weight and you will stay full. I know this BUT that still does ot keep me from wanting to buy krispy creams. I have to not give in. Before I had no self control. NOw I know it is only a craving and it will pass. I know one Krispy Kream will throw everythign I am working for out the window. I know that sugar rush will be followed by a long hard fall.
I will feel guilty and fall into a cycle of anger, sadness and frustration. I for the first time in my life dont think it is worth it. I am worth more than sugar. My health is more important than fried bread dipped in sugar. I look at myself and see the thin me.
I WILL BE THIN!!!
Not onlybecuae I want it but because for the first tiem I feel I am worth it
I am feeling good so far. I am learing alot about my eating habbits. Not having to eat gives me time to think about or reflect on my old way of eating and why i over eat.
I eat when I am nervous, I eat when something really good happens I eat when I am lonely and I eat when I ear when I am sad. Ok I just decribed my live. We all have good days and bad days but we dont have to over eat because of them.
I live overseas and have no real family or friends. My children are with me but lets face it they are not what I need when I am upset or feeling lonely. Usually they are the reason I am upset. Getting a preteen or teenager to listen is close to impossible 🙂 😦 So this leaves me feeling out of sorts. My personality is one that REQUIRES friends not alot but a few, a few good ones. I need to socalise but the way my life is I dont have time. I work then tutor then I am doing homework with the kids and housework, YUCK No real time for me and so with the time I did have I ate and I ate.
Now for whatever reason I dont really think about food. Maybe I am finally at the point in my life where I am done with being fat. I am so sick of myslef it isnt funny. I have never felt the need to lose weight like I do now. YEAH, I have wanted to lose weight and dreamed of being thinner but NOW I feel liek this is life or death or like if I dont do it I will go crazy. I think that is why this Medifast is so easy for me. I know it is not a lifetime thing(my struggle with food is im talking medifast) and when I am finish I will look and feel better.
Thats it. I am sick of being sick…………………..I finally hear my body screaming at me to do the righ tthing.
I had to take a peek and look at the scale and it is finally movining the right direction. I am down 5lbs in 3 days. I had to change my diet plan. I did my exercises for one week and slowly changed my eating. The next week I ate a bit better and now this week I am 100% eating the way I want. I have found some sugar free ice pops and other frozen deserts an they have hepled alot. I am a sugar feen and when I need sugar I will get it in any form, bread, candy, cookies, cake, whatever….. Now I am good I feel like I am getting the sweets I need and I am getting results.
I know this has to be a way of life change. I have to stop eating sugar for the rest of my life. The other day I was hungry and wanted a quick meal. I was thinking of eating a eggo waffle. I sat in bed thinking to myself how it is only 70 calories and it is no big deal and I will use sugar free syrup and can restart my “diet ” the next day. I am gald I continued to think. It hit me that I have to think of things I can not eat as poison becuase to me they are. It may be ok for my kids to eat a piece of bread or snack on a real ice pop but for me I cant do it becuase it will kill me. LITERALLY kill me; everytime I eat sugar I am upping my chances for diabeaties to knock at my door. everytime I overeat and stop my diet I am waiting on my heart to stop beating. I cant eat the way I would LIKE to eat. I have to chose carefully and stick to my eating plan.
As a mother to three children that has no father I have to do this. My husband was very thin and I thought healthy but he died of a heart attack at 41. I am 41 now and I am not healthy and I do have medical issues. I am a walking time bomb if I do not lose this weight. I want to see grand kids I want to see my kids grow up. I do not want to die becuase of food. I have better reason to live for…………
I sometimes wonder if all this meat eating will kill me. I have never eaten as much food as I am eating now. I know I am losing weight and this will make my whole body healthier. But I dont know if this will make my heart bad while making my body better. I know that sonds crazy but this is whats on my mind today.
I think I willlay off the scale. I have been on that thing everymorning. I need to stop. I will not get on it again umtil the 9th. If I do everything right but have no weigth loss I quit. Maybe my body is a slow burner. I have heard of people losing 15 lbs in the first 2 weeks. Me I have barly lost 4 lbs. I weighed myself and one day Im down 4 lbs the next I gained 2 then the next I am down 1 then next I am up another pound. I am going crazy.
I also came accross these great recipies and I thought I would share them with you.
OIAB this is a candy
|5 Squares unsweetened baking chocolate
6 T Unsalted butter
Extra butter to grease muffin tins
4 C Splenda granular
|3 C + 6 T Heavy Whipping cream
24 ozs Cream cheese
3 T Unsweetened cocoa powder
6 T Sugar free peanut butter
|Grease 24 muffin cups with butter and place tins in freezer.Melt unsweetened chocolate with 6 T of butter.
|1 pound lump crabmeat, picked over for cartilage etc.1/2 cup mayonnaise
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1 egg, beaten
|1/2 teaspoon Old Bay seafood seasoningdash of salt
optional – oil for frying
|In a large glass bowl, fold ingredients together taking care to coat all of the crabmeat. Mold into 4 patties. Place on baking sheet. Bake for 20 minutes. Serve.Or alternately, pan fry in oil lightly for 2-3 minutes. Remove and place on paper towels to drain
|8 Medium Portobello Mushrooms — cleaned
8 Oz shrimp — chopped fine
1 C mushrooms — chopped fine
1/2 C onions — chopped fine
3 Oz Butter
1 Oz Olive Oil
1 T Garlic — minced
2 Medium eggs
|2 T Chicken boullion
2 C Almond flour
1 T parsley
1 t coarse ground black pepper
2 Ozs white wine
12 Oz crabmeat — shredded
8 Oz Mozzarella Cheese — shredded
|Brush Portobellos with olive oil and grill until done approx 5-7 minutes.Meanwhile saute shrimp, mushrooms, and onions in butter, olive oil and garlic until shrimp turns pink. Remove from heat, add all other ingredients and mix well until mixture becomes firm. Add an additional egg or additional almond flour until the mixture can easily be formed by hand into balls. Place approx 4-5 ounces into portobello mushroom, spreading so that it covers from edge to edge.
Sprinkle with shredded mozzarella, and broil until cheese starts to brown. Serve.
Today I found happiness in a candy bar. YES!!! a low carb sugar free candy bar. I am in love. This thing is just what I needed. The only problem I have on this diet is I sometimes get a real craving for chocolate or sweets. Now I can have it. I am SOooooooooooo happy.
Today I worked out. I ate only what I was suppose to eat and I feel good now. I am about to go to bed and for the first time EVER I really feel like I can do this I can lose weight. What excuse can I have. I found recipes for many new foods that are low carb. I even found a cheesecake 🙂 I may not work out as much as I like to right now but I am moving. My weigh in is Sunday. We will see how well I do.
I went out and brought myself a mini gym. I have an elliptical machine. I have a sit-up thingy. I have a weight machine that will work every part of my body. I have a stationary bike; one with a big seat so by booty wont feel like crap when I ride. I have tapes if I chose to do step or ab exercises. So, why is it so hard for me to walk my butt in that room? Why is it that I no long feel good about working out.
I used to enjoy working out. But lately after I gained this 20 lbs. I just have no interest in it. I No longer feel happy when I finish. I hate that. I really do. I know the only way I am going to lose weight and get healthy is to move and work my heart. Yes, I can do a low carb diet and lose weight but my real need is to get HEALTHY. I want to stop all the medical problems that come with being overweight before they start. I want to lower my resting heart rate. I want to make sure I do not get diabetes. I want to make sure I am not taking 10-15 pills a day like many older people do. I have to face the face that being an older person is right around the corner. I am over 40. 50 will be here before I know it. My 30s went by quickly and I am sure my 40s will go by even faster. I know in order to no do the things I don’t want to do; and to get the results, I want I have to move my body.
so what I did was set goals. My big goal is to do better than I was before I gained my 20 lbs over my 3 week break. Yes, I gained it in 3 weeks!!!!
I used to ride my bike and hour a day 4 days a week. I used to do 100 sit up on my thingy. I also used to used the weight machine 2x a week. So my short term goal is to do that. My long term goal is to ride the bike 5x a week for 1 1/2 hours, ride the elliptical machine 30 min 3x a week, get up to 200 sit ups, and use the weight machine 4x a week. Yeah that is alot but i have seen people do more than that. I know i can break it down to work out more than once a day. I am up at 4 am I do not leave for work until 745. I have tons of time in the morning. I am home from work by 2 pm. I can put in an hour in the afternoon.
Now that I have a plan I have to put it in motion. So this morning I did 45 mins on my bike. My plan is to do another 45 when I get home and try to do some sit-ups.
My diet for today will be
spinach and egg
fish and broccoli
curry chicken and broccoli
If I get a sweet tooth I made a low carb desert; or I can have a sugar piece of candy.
Pray for me
I know I am overweight. I have known this for a long time. Many time….time after time I have wanted to lose weight and keep it off. However, for what ever reason I have not been able to do it. This time I HAVE to do it. I have to suceed where I have failed before.
I am 41. I spent all my 30s overweight. I have to end this cycle. I have children I do not want this to be theri only example of how a mother shoudl look or feel. I need to feel healthy. I have been scared everyday that I may have a heartattack but not scared enough to stop eating. What is wrogn with that. Too many things to even go into. The one thing I will say is I know in order to lose weight I have to concor my demons. I have to look myself in the face and accept that I am an emotional eater. I use food to calm my nerves. I also need to get off my fat butt and get healthy.
So I, like millions of other peopel all over the world resolve to lose weight this year….not just a few pounds…but, ALL MY WEIGHT!!
I will exersize at least 5 days a week. I will ride my stattionary bike an hour a day. I will go to the gym to take a class. I will do that to maybe make some friends that are over weight and we can help each other to stick with it.
I will cut down on my sugar, cakes, candy, and breads. I will stick to the low carb diet. I will stay away from foods the trigger my bindg eatting.
I will blog my ups and downs.
I will be honest.
I will love myself no matter how I do.
I will not only lose weight but get healthy physically and mentall.
If i stick to this. I will see results.
Pray for me