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this morning I woke up seeing the truth not for the first time but for the first time I knew it. I am slowly killing myself. Everyday I eats tons of sugar. I eat fried foods. I do not exercise. I lay in the bed and watch tv. I am slowly killing myself.

Today I looked myself in the face and asked WHY???

Do I value sugar more than I do my own life?

Is working out too hard for me?

Do I not love myself enough to want to be healthy?

Do I not love my kids enough to want to be around for them?

Do I want to be sick for the rest of my life?

 

The answer to every question is  NO!!!!!

 

So then why do I do it? I don’t know, but I say to you this day that I will not longer be under the control of my cravings. I have to take back the control I gave over to food. I MUST make living healthy a part of my life. It has to be part of my daily routine just as washing my face and brushing my teeth are. I must not allow my hunger or cravings and laziness to overtake me again. Yes, I may slip up but I have to say it is ok and keep going.

My promise to myself is

I will exercise 6 days a week. I have no excuse. I have dvd’s, a stationary bike, an elliptical machine, a weight machine, and free weights in my home. I live very close to the cornice and I can walk there everyday if I want to get out.

I will not eat any refined sugar. Fruit and foods that naturally contain sugar will be my only source of that poison that enters my body.

No more fast foods.

I will eat eat healthy meals.  No more low carb mess. No I wont eat refined carbs, but I will eat whole carbs and I will eat fruit. I will only eat meals I cook myself. No more processed foods.

I have to do this. If not for my then my kids. I have 3 children that depend on me. They love and adore me. I am thier only parent, Their dad died 9 yrs ago. I am it.

I have to do this. I will log in and post what my achievement and failures are. I will keep it up this time. I have to. I only have one life to live and It is time I start living.

I want to not be the fat mom. I dont want to be the mother that cant do things becuase she is embarrased. I want to wear clothes and feel like a woman of 41 not my grand mom. I feel old, I am sick, I do not have a life.

So I will be sore for a few days or weeks. I will be hungry for sugar. I will be going through withdraw for a few days. I will haev headachs. I will be cranky. I will be sad. But when it is over. a beautiful butterfly will emerge.

The new me, the real me………I will finally have a life.

I will live……..

God willing I will live

 

 

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4 Comments

  1. wow

    Your post just took me back to a time in my own life.

    I had been trying to get ‘back into shape’ for about 3 years and was going in the wrong direction.

    Until I got to that point.

    You have a lot of HARD work ahead of you. There will be times when you will slip and you will feel like a complete loser.

    So what! So you screwed up one meal or one day. That’s life.

    Small steps, strung together. Time keeps moving whether you want it to or not.

    Who do you want to be next year?

    You are not alone. There are so many people out there who have the exact same thoughts as you.

    Stay strong

    • Bob Woods
    • Posted April 22, 2008 at 1:19 am
    • Permalink

    Way to go. Great post. You will get through it, if you really and truly want it. And it sounds like you do!

    • sasha
    • Posted April 27, 2008 at 1:46 am
    • Permalink

    I googled “killing myself eating” and came across your page. I feel so terrible, I eat knowing I am full and the cravings have virtually taken over my life. I have every exercise equipment in my home and I have not even tried to use them, and now I feel so useless because my belly protrudes like crazy. I too and sick of it. Your post inspired me, I just wanted you to know… Good look, we are going to beat this. I have to take my life back. This creature is not me

    • ummisweightloss
    • Posted April 27, 2008 at 7:29 pm
    • Permalink

    Sasha, losing weight is hard. We get down on ourselves and feel worse. Dont do that. Just let this be the begining of a new phase in your life. Yeah you will fall off the wagon but just get back on. I hope to see you back here and maybe we can encourage each other.


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