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Category Archives: life

I was sick and had to go off plan. I was on meds that just made me sick. I needed food, breads, crackers and things like that to coat my stomach. I tried to stay on plan but I just could not do it.

as a result I gained 5 lbs. I know I will lose it again but the thing is ……..the word Again……………….

I will go to the doctors tomorrow nd if I am taken off the meds I will start MF again that day. I really need to get all this crap out my system. I feel the difference. I feel unhealthy. I know I could haev chosen better foods to eat BUT i didnt. I could haev eaten whole breads but NOPE i got grands biscuts……….I didnt go over board but I didnt do what I could have cause in my mind I was like whats the point I am off plan anyway……..

.This is the problem I need to retrain my head. This does will fail if I do not retrain my brain to think of food in a different way. Well I have 7 months to do that. I hope to be finish this diet by July……..Time will tell

Be back in 3 day. I am going to try to post 2x a week

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I had to take a peek and look at the scale and it is finally movining the right direction. I am down 5lbs in 3 days. I had to change my diet plan. I did my exercises for one week and slowly changed my eating.  The next week I ate a bit better and now this week I am 100% eating the way I want. I have found some sugar free ice pops and other frozen deserts an they have hepled alot.  I am a sugar feen and when I need sugar I will get it in any form, bread, candy, cookies, cake, whatever…..  Now I am good I feel like I am getting the sweets I need and I am getting results.

I know this has to be a way of life change. I have to stop eating sugar for the rest of my life. The other day I was hungry and wanted a quick meal. I was thinking of eating a eggo waffle. I sat in bed thinking to myself how it is only 70 calories and it is no big deal and I will use sugar free syrup and can restart my “diet ” the next day. I am gald I continued to think. It hit me that I have to think of things I can not eat as poison becuase to me they are. It may be ok for my kids to eat a piece of bread or snack on a real ice pop but for me I cant do it becuase it will kill me. LITERALLY kill me; everytime I eat sugar I am upping my chances for diabeaties to knock at my door. everytime I overeat and stop my diet I am waiting on my heart to stop beating. I cant eat the way I would LIKE to eat. I have to chose carefully and stick to my eating plan.

As a mother to three children that has no father I have to do this. My husband was very thin and I thought healthy but he died of a heart attack at 41. I am 41 now and I am not healthy and I do have medical issues. I am a walking time bomb if I do not lose this weight.  I want to see grand kids I want to see my kids grow up. I do not want to die becuase of food.  I have better reason to live for…………

 

this morning I woke up seeing the truth not for the first time but for the first time I knew it. I am slowly killing myself. Everyday I eats tons of sugar. I eat fried foods. I do not exercise. I lay in the bed and watch tv. I am slowly killing myself.

Today I looked myself in the face and asked WHY???

Do I value sugar more than I do my own life?

Is working out too hard for me?

Do I not love myself enough to want to be healthy?

Do I not love my kids enough to want to be around for them?

Do I want to be sick for the rest of my life?

 

The answer to every question is  NO!!!!!

 

So then why do I do it? I don’t know, but I say to you this day that I will not longer be under the control of my cravings. I have to take back the control I gave over to food. I MUST make living healthy a part of my life. It has to be part of my daily routine just as washing my face and brushing my teeth are. I must not allow my hunger or cravings and laziness to overtake me again. Yes, I may slip up but I have to say it is ok and keep going.

My promise to myself is

I will exercise 6 days a week. I have no excuse. I have dvd’s, a stationary bike, an elliptical machine, a weight machine, and free weights in my home. I live very close to the cornice and I can walk there everyday if I want to get out.

I will not eat any refined sugar. Fruit and foods that naturally contain sugar will be my only source of that poison that enters my body.

No more fast foods.

I will eat eat healthy meals.  No more low carb mess. No I wont eat refined carbs, but I will eat whole carbs and I will eat fruit. I will only eat meals I cook myself. No more processed foods.

I have to do this. If not for my then my kids. I have 3 children that depend on me. They love and adore me. I am thier only parent, Their dad died 9 yrs ago. I am it.

I have to do this. I will log in and post what my achievement and failures are. I will keep it up this time. I have to. I only have one life to live and It is time I start living.

I want to not be the fat mom. I dont want to be the mother that cant do things becuase she is embarrased. I want to wear clothes and feel like a woman of 41 not my grand mom. I feel old, I am sick, I do not have a life.

So I will be sore for a few days or weeks. I will be hungry for sugar. I will be going through withdraw for a few days. I will haev headachs. I will be cranky. I will be sad. But when it is over. a beautiful butterfly will emerge.

The new me, the real me………I will finally have a life.

I will live……..

God willing I will live

 

 

I sometimes wonder if all this meat eating will kill me. I have never eaten as much food as I am eating now. I know I am losing weight and this will make my whole body healthier.  But I dont know if this will make my heart bad while making my body better. I know that sonds crazy but this is whats on my mind today.

I think I willlay off the scale. I have been on that thing everymorning. I need to stop. I will not get on it again umtil the 9th. If I do everything right but have no weigth loss I quit. Maybe my body is a slow burner. I have heard of people losing 15 lbs in the first 2 weeks. Me I have barly lost 4 lbs. I weighed myself and one day Im down 4 lbs the next I gained 2 then the next I am down 1 then next I am up another pound. I am going crazy.

I also came accross these great recipies and I thought I would share them with you.

OIAB this is a candy

Ingredients:
5 Squares unsweetened baking chocolate
6 T Unsalted butter
Extra butter to grease muffin tins
4 C Splenda granular
3 C + 6 T Heavy Whipping cream
24 ozs Cream cheese
3 T Unsweetened cocoa powder
6 T Sugar free peanut butter
Cooking Instructions:
Grease 24 muffin cups with butter and place tins in freezer.Melt unsweetened chocolate with 6 T of butter.

crab cakes

Ingredients:
1 pound lump crabmeat, picked over for cartilage etc.1/2 cup mayonnaise

1 tablespoon lemon juice

1 egg, beaten

1/2 teaspoon Old Bay seafood seasoningdash of salt

optional – oil for frying

Cooking Instructions:
In a large glass bowl, fold ingredients together taking care to coat all of the crabmeat. Mold into 4 patties. Place on baking sheet. Bake for 20 minutes. Serve.Or alternately, pan fry in oil lightly for 2-3 minutes. Remove and place on paper towels to drain

stuffed mushroom

Ingredients:
8 Medium Portobello Mushrooms — cleaned
8 Oz shrimp — chopped fine
1 C mushrooms — chopped fine
1/2 C onions — chopped fine
3 Oz Butter
1 Oz Olive Oil
1 T Garlic — minced
2 Medium eggs
2 T Chicken boullion
2 C Almond flour
1 T parsley
1 t coarse ground black pepper
2 Ozs white wine
12 Oz crabmeat — shredded
8 Oz Mozzarella Cheese — shredded
Cooking Instructions:
Brush Portobellos with olive oil and grill until done approx 5-7 minutes.Meanwhile saute shrimp, mushrooms, and onions in butter, olive oil and garlic until shrimp turns pink. Remove from heat, add all other ingredients and mix well until mixture becomes firm. Add an additional egg or additional almond flour until the mixture can easily be formed by hand into balls. Place approx 4-5 ounces into portobello mushroom, spreading so that it covers from edge to edge.

Sprinkle with shredded mozzarella, and broil until cheese starts to brown. Serve.

I went out and brought myself a mini gym. I have an elliptical machine. I have a sit-up thingy. I have a weight machine that will work every part of my body. I have a stationary bike; one with a big seat so by booty wont feel like crap when I ride. I have tapes if I chose to do step or ab exercises. So, why is it so hard for me to walk my butt in that room? Why is it that I no long feel good about working out.

I used to enjoy working out. But lately after I gained this 20 lbs. I just have no interest in it. I No longer feel happy when I finish. I hate that. I really do. I know the only way I am going to lose weight and get healthy is to move and work my heart. Yes, I can do a low carb diet and lose weight but my real need is to get HEALTHY. I want to stop all the medical problems that come with being overweight before they start. I want to lower my resting heart rate. I want to make sure I do not get diabetes. I want to make sure I am not taking 10-15 pills a day like many older people do. I have to face the face that being an older person is right around the corner. I am over 40. 50 will be here before I know it. My 30s went by quickly and I am sure my 40s will go by even faster. I know in order to no do the things I don’t want to do; and to get the results, I want I have to move my body.

so what I did was set goals. My big goal is to do better than I was before I gained my 20 lbs over my 3 week break. Yes, I gained it in 3 weeks!!!!

I used to ride my bike and hour a day 4 days a week. I used to do 100 sit up on my thingy. I also used to used the weight machine 2x a week. So my short term goal is to do that. My long term goal is to ride the bike 5x a week for        1 1/2 hours, ride the elliptical machine 30 min 3x a week, get up to 200 sit ups, and use the weight machine 4x a week.  Yeah that is alot but i have seen people do more than that. I know i can break it down to work out more than once a day. I am up at 4 am I do not leave for work until 745. I have tons of time in the morning. I am home from work by 2 pm. I can put in an hour in the afternoon.

Now that I have a plan I have to put it in motion. So this morning I did 45 mins on my bike. My plan is to do another 45 when I get home and try to do some sit-ups.

My diet for today will be

breakfast

spinach and egg

lunch

fish and broccoli

dinner

curry chicken and broccoli

If I get a sweet tooth I made a low carb desert; or I can have a sugar piece of candy.

Pray for me

I know I am overweight. I have known this for a long time. Many time….time after time I have wanted to lose weight and keep it off. However, for what ever reason I have not been able to do it. This time I HAVE to do it. I have to suceed where I have failed before.

I am 41. I spent all my 30s overweight. I have to end this cycle. I have children I do not want this to be theri only example of how a mother shoudl look or feel. I need to feel healthy. I have been scared everyday that I may have a heartattack but not scared enough to stop eating. What is wrogn with that. Too many things to even go into. The one thing I will say is I know in order to lose weight I have to concor my demons. I have to look myself in the face and accept that I am an emotional eater. I use food to calm my nerves. I also need to get off my fat butt and get healthy.

So I, like millions of other peopel all over the world resolve to lose weight this year….not just a few pounds…but, ALL MY WEIGHT!!

I will exersize at least 5 days a week. I will ride my stattionary bike an hour a day. I will go to the gym to take a class. I will do that to maybe make some friends that are over weight and we can help each other to stick with it.

I will cut down on my sugar, cakes, candy, and breads. I will stick to the low carb diet. I will stay away from foods the trigger my bindg eatting.

I will blog my ups and downs.

I will be honest.

I will love myself no matter how I do.

I will not only lose weight but get healthy physically and mentall.

If i stick to this. I will see results.

Pray for me

Well I have been doing ok. This is my second day with no sugar, no simple carbs, and no bread….Yes if you guessed I am doing a low carb diet.

 I will eat carbs but just whole grain and complex carbs. No more bread made with white flour, no more white rice, I will eat brown rice instead. However, right now for 30 days I will only eat protien and veggies. Once my body gets used to this way of eating I will slowly introduce carbs back into my diet.

The thing is today I want an OREO. Not just one I want a pack; not just one pack I want a box. I am doing everything I can to not eat them. I have a ton of them in the house. My kids take them to school for snack. They are in packs of three and I want about 5 packs……LOL….

So far I have been able to stay away……Please pray for me……

OK, day 2 and I didn’t do anything. I didn’t eat right or exercise. I laid in bed and felt sorry for myself. I feel like why even start when i know i am going to fail. I feel like why lose the weight no one will see it. I feel like it is soooooooooo much weight that I will not even see any change. then I think I am just being stupid but by then I had already eaten a twix bar and 2 pieces of KFC.

Now i feel worse than I did before. This is an endless cycle that i have to get out of. I will NEVER lose weight if I always act like this…………Tomorrow NO matter what I will work out as soon as i get up. I will eat Nothing but what is on my diet….i am defrosting my fish now. It will be ready to cook in the morning for my lunch. No excuses. I will do this. I will lose this weight and get the demon out my life. I will , I have to, I need to , I really want to…….GOD help me..

Today I start my life. A life filled with ups and down. I know this is no different than any other life. But today, My life will include freedom. freedomt o chose to lose weight. Freedom to look at myself everyday and know I am doing my best.  Freedom to wake up everymorning knowing this is another day I am alive and will make the best of it.

My struggle:

I have been overweight a long time. I have lost 57 lbs. However my mother came to visit and i quickly gained 20lbs back.

I will try to lose that and 50 more lbs.

yeah wow that is alot of weight!!

but I am sick of it.

I guess I am lucky I am tall…Thank you mom and dad. 😉

I will blog my daily routine and weekly weigh in. I will try to get a weightloss tracker to track my progress.

I will also upload utube videos of my journey.