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I am feeling good so far. I am learing alot about my eating habbits. Not having to eat gives me time to think about or reflect on my old way of eating and why i over eat.

I eat when I am nervous, I eat when something really good happens I eat when I am lonely and I eat when I ear when I am sad. Ok I just decribed my live. We all have good days and bad days but we dont have to over eat because of them.

I live overseas and have no real family or friends. My children are with me but lets face it they are not what I need when I am upset or feeling lonely. Usually they are the reason I am upset. Getting a preteen or teenager to listen is close to impossible 🙂 😦 So this leaves me feeling out of sorts. My personality is one that REQUIRES friends not alot but a few, a few good ones. I need to socalise but the way my life is I dont have time. I work then tutor then I am doing homework with the kids and housework, YUCK No real time for me and so with the time I did have I ate and I ate.

Now for whatever reason I dont really think about food. Maybe I am finally at the point in my life where I am done with being fat. I am so sick of myslef it isnt funny. I have never felt the need to lose weight like I do now. YEAH, I have wanted to lose weight and dreamed of being thinner but NOW I feel liek this is life or death or like if I dont do it I will go crazy. I think that is why this Medifast is so easy for me. I know it is not a lifetime thing(my struggle with food is im talking medifast) and when I am finish I will look and feel better.

Thats it. I am sick of being sick…………………..I finally hear my body screaming at me to do the righ tthing.


Long time no see. Well I started MEdifast diet and so far things are going great. I am not hungry and the taste is not that bad. I like it WAY better than the store brought brands.

Ok what is medifast.

Medifast is a liquid, low calorie, low carb diet.  I drink 5 drinks a day and eat one meal.  each drink is about 100 calories and my meal is usually around 300-400 so my daily caloric intake is around 700-800 a day. YES, it is low but this is not a life long diet. I will slowly introduce food back into my diet and really I eat food now. The thing is they are not all drinks. They have soup, eggs, bars, oatmeal, and shakes.

this is a normal day for me

5am Shake

8am Shake

11am Soup

2pm shake or drink

5pm meal

630 bar and a no sugar drink

I swear I am not hungry and I am not thinking about food all day like I usually do on diets. I do nto have to worry about what I can and can not eat. I pack what I need all day in my bag and I am done.

Normally I am always thinking about what I can or cant eat next. I swear when I am on a diet my mind is constantly on food. I think about food all day and it drives me crazy. I have tried low carb, no meat, slim fast, you name it I tried it. This is the first time I think my mind is really ready for a change. I feel really good about it and I am excited everyday.

I look at food and just think it is not worth it. I know this is a quick fix to a long term problem but I need this in order to move forward. I will post most days just to keep a record of what I am doing and feeling.

I will set up a page for my weekly weigh in results.  wish me luck

I had to take a peek and look at the scale and it is finally movining the right direction. I am down 5lbs in 3 days. I had to change my diet plan. I did my exercises for one week and slowly changed my eating.  The next week I ate a bit better and now this week I am 100% eating the way I want. I have found some sugar free ice pops and other frozen deserts an they have hepled alot.  I am a sugar feen and when I need sugar I will get it in any form, bread, candy, cookies, cake, whatever…..  Now I am good I feel like I am getting the sweets I need and I am getting results.

I know this has to be a way of life change. I have to stop eating sugar for the rest of my life. The other day I was hungry and wanted a quick meal. I was thinking of eating a eggo waffle. I sat in bed thinking to myself how it is only 70 calories and it is no big deal and I will use sugar free syrup and can restart my “diet ” the next day. I am gald I continued to think. It hit me that I have to think of things I can not eat as poison becuase to me they are. It may be ok for my kids to eat a piece of bread or snack on a real ice pop but for me I cant do it becuase it will kill me. LITERALLY kill me; everytime I eat sugar I am upping my chances for diabeaties to knock at my door. everytime I overeat and stop my diet I am waiting on my heart to stop beating. I cant eat the way I would LIKE to eat. I have to chose carefully and stick to my eating plan.

As a mother to three children that has no father I have to do this. My husband was very thin and I thought healthy but he died of a heart attack at 41. I am 41 now and I am not healthy and I do have medical issues. I am a walking time bomb if I do not lose this weight.  I want to see grand kids I want to see my kids grow up. I do not want to die becuase of food.  I have better reason to live for…………


breakfast eggbeaters and veggies




chicken burger with veggies


2 ice pops and jello

worked out only 30 mins on the bike 😦 I was sad and could not finish.

tomorrow will be better 🙂


I have been trying sugar free ice pops and I have enjoyed them. they have been a nice treat, low in calories and no sugar. the only draw back is they do not agree with my body

These things give me gas something awful. I mean they really make me stink:( I had no idea i could smell so bad. I have to figure out what to do becuase I need to have a treat or my diet will not work. The ice pops are only 10 calories and the ones with cream only 60. I can eat 2 a day and not be off my diet at all and still eat my sugar free jello after dinner.

The thing is If I continue to eat these things My family wont like me anymore.


My body hurts. I have been doing my new dvd. It is by CathE. Oh my goodness she is in good shape. I am doing her weightlifting series. It is 45 mins of working the entire body. we do dumbells and the barbell, they do a band I do not have one yet so I use what I have.

I am doing it every other day along with my cardio. On the other days I just do 2 hours of cardio. I have my kids joing in with me. They use 1 kg weights only. My older daughter can handle more weight but she is lazy.

I also have a donna Richardson oleschool dvd I am going to try today.  If I have the strength.

Food well I had a few set backs. I had some chocolate but only 1 bar all week. U susally i buy 3 at a time so that is progress. I have been reading on food combining and I may try to use some of that I read into my diet. It is kind of what I was doing anyway but It even talks about not mixing certain fruits. I was doing protien and veggies, carbs and veggies and fruit alone. They say meat and veggies, no meat and other protiens, like no eggs and bacon. so I can eat an eggs and veggie omlet but no meat. They also go into the different fruits but all i remember is mellons are to be eaten alone…… and never eat dessert right after dinner wait an hour.

Ok well thats my week……see you nest week

this morning I woke up seeing the truth not for the first time but for the first time I knew it. I am slowly killing myself. Everyday I eats tons of sugar. I eat fried foods. I do not exercise. I lay in the bed and watch tv. I am slowly killing myself.

Today I looked myself in the face and asked WHY???

Do I value sugar more than I do my own life?

Is working out too hard for me?

Do I not love myself enough to want to be healthy?

Do I not love my kids enough to want to be around for them?

Do I want to be sick for the rest of my life?


The answer to every question is  NO!!!!!


So then why do I do it? I don’t know, but I say to you this day that I will not longer be under the control of my cravings. I have to take back the control I gave over to food. I MUST make living healthy a part of my life. It has to be part of my daily routine just as washing my face and brushing my teeth are. I must not allow my hunger or cravings and laziness to overtake me again. Yes, I may slip up but I have to say it is ok and keep going.

My promise to myself is

I will exercise 6 days a week. I have no excuse. I have dvd’s, a stationary bike, an elliptical machine, a weight machine, and free weights in my home. I live very close to the cornice and I can walk there everyday if I want to get out.

I will not eat any refined sugar. Fruit and foods that naturally contain sugar will be my only source of that poison that enters my body.

No more fast foods.

I will eat eat healthy meals.  No more low carb mess. No I wont eat refined carbs, but I will eat whole carbs and I will eat fruit. I will only eat meals I cook myself. No more processed foods.

I have to do this. If not for my then my kids. I have 3 children that depend on me. They love and adore me. I am thier only parent, Their dad died 9 yrs ago. I am it.

I have to do this. I will log in and post what my achievement and failures are. I will keep it up this time. I have to. I only have one life to live and It is time I start living.

I want to not be the fat mom. I dont want to be the mother that cant do things becuase she is embarrased. I want to wear clothes and feel like a woman of 41 not my grand mom. I feel old, I am sick, I do not have a life.

So I will be sore for a few days or weeks. I will be hungry for sugar. I will be going through withdraw for a few days. I will haev headachs. I will be cranky. I will be sad. But when it is over. a beautiful butterfly will emerge.

The new me, the real me………I will finally have a life.

I will live……..

God willing I will live



I’m back on track now. I have been walking everyday for an hour or more and then I ride my bike at least 1 hour. So far I have lost 6 lbs.

I have dumped the Atkins thing but I am still doing my own low carb thing. I am not eating any sugar or anything that is a simple carb. I am eating tons of veggies and enough protein. when I eat a carb it is a complex carb so my body will digest is slowly. I think this will be the best for me. When i took a break from Atkins my weight came back so fast and I gained more than I had lost so now I am working off 7 extra pounds………yuck.  I know there is no way I am going to give up fruit and carbs all together. So I had to rethink my diet and think about what I will do forever not just for a short period of time.

I have not problem giving up sugar. I need to do this for my health. I am a sugar addict. I need to give it up for my self not just to lose weight ;so that is gone. I can live without french fries, white potatoes, and white flour; there is however no way I can give up bread, whole wheat, pasta, again whole wheat, or fruit. I love these things and I don’t see the point in denying myself for life. I just wont do it. So I read tons of info and think this will be better for me. I can still have my treats when i needs them but my over all food intake will be smaller and healthier.

I sometimes wonder if all this meat eating will kill me. I have never eaten as much food as I am eating now. I know I am losing weight and this will make my whole body healthier.  But I dont know if this will make my heart bad while making my body better. I know that sonds crazy but this is whats on my mind today.

I think I willlay off the scale. I have been on that thing everymorning. I need to stop. I will not get on it again umtil the 9th. If I do everything right but have no weigth loss I quit. Maybe my body is a slow burner. I have heard of people losing 15 lbs in the first 2 weeks. Me I have barly lost 4 lbs. I weighed myself and one day Im down 4 lbs the next I gained 2 then the next I am down 1 then next I am up another pound. I am going crazy.

I also came accross these great recipies and I thought I would share them with you.

OIAB this is a candy

5 Squares unsweetened baking chocolate
6 T Unsalted butter
Extra butter to grease muffin tins
4 C Splenda granular
3 C + 6 T Heavy Whipping cream
24 ozs Cream cheese
3 T Unsweetened cocoa powder
6 T Sugar free peanut butter
Cooking Instructions:
Grease 24 muffin cups with butter and place tins in freezer.Melt unsweetened chocolate with 6 T of butter.

crab cakes

1 pound lump crabmeat, picked over for cartilage etc.1/2 cup mayonnaise

1 tablespoon lemon juice

1 egg, beaten

1/2 teaspoon Old Bay seafood seasoningdash of salt

optional – oil for frying

Cooking Instructions:
In a large glass bowl, fold ingredients together taking care to coat all of the crabmeat. Mold into 4 patties. Place on baking sheet. Bake for 20 minutes. Serve.Or alternately, pan fry in oil lightly for 2-3 minutes. Remove and place on paper towels to drain

stuffed mushroom

8 Medium Portobello Mushrooms — cleaned
8 Oz shrimp — chopped fine
1 C mushrooms — chopped fine
1/2 C onions — chopped fine
3 Oz Butter
1 Oz Olive Oil
1 T Garlic — minced
2 Medium eggs
2 T Chicken boullion
2 C Almond flour
1 T parsley
1 t coarse ground black pepper
2 Ozs white wine
12 Oz crabmeat — shredded
8 Oz Mozzarella Cheese — shredded
Cooking Instructions:
Brush Portobellos with olive oil and grill until done approx 5-7 minutes.Meanwhile saute shrimp, mushrooms, and onions in butter, olive oil and garlic until shrimp turns pink. Remove from heat, add all other ingredients and mix well until mixture becomes firm. Add an additional egg or additional almond flour until the mixture can easily be formed by hand into balls. Place approx 4-5 ounces into portobello mushroom, spreading so that it covers from edge to edge.

Sprinkle with shredded mozzarella, and broil until cheese starts to brown. Serve.

I got on the scale. I lost 4 lbs this week. I am happy. I know it is not as good as it could have hbeen. I didnt work out very much. This week will be better. I will get off my BUTT more. I will stay motavated.